You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
