Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
