Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
