3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
