It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
