I wanna passion pit in your ass
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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