Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Shame is for Republicans.
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