Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
