I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
