Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
