While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
