I think my fart just growled at me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
