so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
