Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
