My hand turned me down
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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