I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
