I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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