There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
