Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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