yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
