Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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