You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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