im holly from the hills drunk
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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