Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i love accidental penises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
