I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
