Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
