so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
