Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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