I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
