How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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