Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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