I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Houston, we have a blender
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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