Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
