My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
