There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
