What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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