Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
