We're facebook friends in real life
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
