i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
