she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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