Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
