Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
