We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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