I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
