rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
