I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
