and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
3pm strippers are depressing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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