then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
