Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
