I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Randomize
