there's paper in my vomit.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
