but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
