need another drink. this is the easiest way
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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