I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
